i can't do it anymore

I can't put it off any longer.

I've always been impatient, but I don't think this is that. In fact, I think it's the opposite. Sometimes my doubt becomes a surge of confidence in the form of a big "FUCK YOU!" to the impossible. It was the same when I took 3 weeks off for the solo road trip to Alaska and back, and again when I moved to Oregon for a month. But this will be the biggest and scariest decision I've ever made.

I'm buying a cargo van and moving into it! Like... actually living in it full-time. No backup car. No home or apartment.

Yosemite at Night.jpg

I don't know where I'll park when I'm staying in a city. I don't know how I'll prevent theft. I don't know how I'm going to stay cool or warm, or how I'm going to cook and store food until I get solar set up. I'm not sure how I'll make enough money without the security of a steady job, but I'm giving myself a year to figure out that last part. Honestly, there is probably more that I don't know right now, but I know that I'm doing it.

I think I'm going to sell my car first and bike to work—21 miles away—until I find the right van. I want to own it outright so I can immediately move in and put EVERYTHING toward paying off my debt. At this time, I owe $11,607.42 to various credit cards—which doesn't include $6,687.13 in student loans, but I'm not worried as much about the those. Without a car payment or rent, I should be able to pay the credit cards within 12 months—assuming I find enough freelance work for extra money.

Truthfully, I'm fucking terrified. I felt like a failure and a quitter for giving up on Oregon after only one month. I was robbed twice that year and moved 6 times in 8 months. It was the lowest I've ever been. But I also experienced one of my biggest highs. When my car was broken into, a friend started a fundraiser that accrued $900—the amount I needed to replace everything. That still blows me away. I had no idea so many people cared about me; I still have a hard time accepting that.

Moving into a van has even greater potential for failure, but—weirdly—I've never been more excited.

I hope you are doing well! Hit me up if you wanna share crazy ideas or just get some shit off your chest.

Much love,